This is a collection of quotes that is still growing. If you have any comments on these quotes, or others you'd like to share email me but PLEASE don't send me any anonymous or self quotes.

"Get out of your head, it's a bad neighborhood." - Adam R.

"I'd go home with Gwenyth before you." - Alex S.

"I'd go home with Gwenyth Paltrow before Jerry too." - Me

"I think we're agreed, we would all go home with Gwenyth Paltrow before Jerry." - Daniel G.

"We'll all go to Jerry's and have a wild orgy. Haras can take notes since she won't want to participate." - Alex S.

"Also, if you keep going through the same vicious cycle with different girls, who do you think is causing the cycle? The women, whom are completely different in every case, or yourself--who hasn't changed or learned anything from his previous encounters." - Arnand (in a conversation with someone over a year ago)

"Let him forever be known as Slugboy, because he henceforth has no spine." - Arnand K.

"this is my quote: 'god made coke...god made pepsi...and god made me so damn sexy!!!!-Ashley" - Ashley (a viewer who emailed me)

"Let's get out of here before we get any sillier, if that's possible." - Me

"Happy love rainbow kissy-kiss?" - friend of mine

Barney: My fantasies are good to be in, because you get to wear really nice clothes.

Anna: Ooh! Are they on sale?

"We have to leave now. You can sing to your jacket on the way." - Barney F.

"You're both adorable, like puppies. I can barely resist the urge to drown you." - Barney F.

"A mind is just like a bowl of ice cream: It's soft, it's squishy, and it melts when it gets too hot" - Barry M.

"Oh, girl why can't you see the way you really were the way you really are and the way you're really going to be... oh maybe it's true, that maybe you, can't see yourself, the way you really were, the way you really are, and the way you're gonna be. So how is it, that you happen to be caught in a whirlwind of time?... Now isn't it a shame, that you really can't see, the way you really are inside, the way you're really gonna be, 'cause you're crying inside, you're dying inside, you know you know it. So why don't you show it? Your true heart is passing what was back them lasting will not pass by for the testing. You know I'm not jesting. So why don't you see? Why don't you listen? You think life's not such a dream, well maybe all is not it seems. Be who you are, who you've been all along. You think everybody's right, but maybe they're all wrong." - Charles C.

"I live within the confines of reality. I am here because to be anywhere else would be a lie. I live here because my life lies here, my dreams, my soul, my hunger. It is all real. I would not sacrifice anything about myself for something else. I like myself. I like my friends. I would not change the past because I NEED the experiences that I've learned from it. There are some things that in retrospect I think that I'd rather not have known - however knowing them has not diminished the quality of my life by one bit. I exist within 'reality' because here I know exactly where I stand. Here there is no need to fret about what is, or what was, or what will become. There is only looking forward into the future and figuring out how you can make the future better for someone else and for myself. Every day is a brand new opportunity within reality - it's my acceptance of the situations that I carry over with me day to day that make each hour worth living. The acceptance of the soul - the acceptance of the self - it makes my life worthwhile. I would not be anywhere else within reality - not for the world. I have myself - I have my God. And I have the willingness and strength to see myself through the future with a grin on my face and an eagerness to experience life that will be with me to the end of my days... Reality is what makes us strong." - Chris J.

"Till I met you I always thought the freaks came out at night" - Daniel C.

"I don't have a reason for the way I look. I just do things." - Daniel G.

"'Parents: Can't live with them, can't be born without them.' - A statement intended to prove that truths are not very exciting things, and we should stick to lies." - Daniel O.

"I'm not obsessive. I just want more." - Dave B.

"You are hereby ordered to exercise free will and personal choice" - sign David C. put up in our high school hallway

"I expect that kind of thing from me" - David R.

"I know I may not seem like a nice girl, sitting here holding my panties. But I assure you I am. I really am." - someone in the jacuzzi at Hunter and Bryan's

"A girl named Harry? Is she gay?" - friend of a friend

"heres a quote for you

'...It will be left for God to deal with,and you know how he always fucks things up. Oops..--see what i mean'----the gentle bear to his best friend the catapillar that he accidentally squished under his foot.....from the book Jesus Saves and i cant remember the authors name because i have a slight hangover and i haven't eaten all day...the only thing iin my refrigerator is old wonton soup that my room mate bought the day she moved in....that was in November......whenever i hear a strange noise from the kitchen or something and we wonder what it is, i blame it on the i am keeping it just to continue to have my little running gag......that and i can say that i am growing my own penicilin for the coming y2k crisis..........i ask you once there something wrong with me?" - Ed L.

"I'm going to go tell everyone I'm gay so I can deny it tomorrow." - Edith B.

"Edith is the new blanket of love." - Me

"Aw, sookie sookie." - Edith B.

"Like a lot of you, I've been reminded by recent events of a man I grew up watching and admiring, a brilliant and at times flamboyant entertainer who pushed the buttons of my embryonic sexuality in a way I was far too young to understand at the time.

I'm referring, of course, to Vincent Price." - Eyeteeth,

"Suffering is good for your spiritual development... You need to suffer at least ten hours a day." - Mr. Farbstein

"At some point we should sit down and talk so I can tell you about all of my symptoms." - My Father

"Human life in general is lonely." - My Father

"Is that a cassette in you back pocket or are you just happy to see me and slightly deformed?" - Francesca L.

"I don't know what you're doing, but I want you to know that whatever it is is sick and I want you to stop." - Francesca L.

Gene: Haras is the messiah, and we do drugs to achieve her state of existence.

Mike: Or she could just be some nut.

"Haras, you're a wonderful person, but you're just not a deranged maniac." - Graf D.

"Promise me you'll never be in charge of a small, Latin American country." - Greg S. to me

"A is for baby, that flies through the snow." - Greg S.

"This will be like a Cuisinart that can swoop down and kill." - Greg S.

"The goal is to drink yourself under the table." - Greg S.

"These people aren't stupid... they're certainly smarter than you are." - Prof. Hacker

"I'm not Superman. Well, maybe I'm a little more super than you are." - Prof. Hacker

"Parents think their kids are gifted, but that's just an ego trip on the part of the parents." - Prof. Hacker

"Thinking can hurt." - Prof. Hacker

"Don't make me do two monetary transactions at the same time. I'll beat your ass down and then I'll charge you interest." - Me, the "two-fisted Monopoly banker" (according to my roommate)

"Elixir?! But they aren't even going out!" - Me

"I could wonder, but I doubt I want to." - Me

"I won't say good morning, because mornings are never good." - Helen H.

"The household is going to consume less children." - Prof. Honig

"If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go resume self torment" - Ian K.

"When I'm happy, I write sad songs. When I'm not happy, I also write sad songs. Life rarely imitates art." - Ian P.

"My grandmother's trying to kill me. Have you seen my sandwich?" - Jeff Z.

"Grendel? But he's such a nice guy, as he likes to tell us every five minutes." - Jeremy M.

"You know what you are? You're the drama coordinator." - Jeremy M.

"That Haras chick is sick." - Joe B.

"I can make the trees dance any time I want them to." - Joey P.

"The earth is fun to play with." - Joey P.

Me: Why were you in an Introduction to New Testament class?

John K.: Know your enemy.

"Why We Can't Win:

1) We have a clue.

2) We're nice guys.

3) We're looking for a meaningful relationship.

4) We're attracted to the same things in a friend as an amorous companion." - sign two of my male friends posted in our high school hallway (Josh S. and Max R.)

"My brother says that everyone lives on a different TV channel... she's stuck on the infomercials channel. Lots of info, no content, and all you do is want stuff." - Kate

"Slothing is sleeping with class." - Kurt K.

"I think what you girls fail to realize is that the female opinion means nothing in this group." - Kurt K.

"To most Hunterites:

You've taught me to be myself and not you. Most of you have discovered who you want to be, but not who you are. Most of you look and act the same; and you're trying desperately to be funky but you are not succeeding.

I hope the real world doesn't hurt you." - Lindsay B.

"I never smoked pot just because I never had enough brain cells to waste in the first place" - Liz T.

"Beer is good for me" - Marc O.

"It's raining asparagus" - Marc S.

"You look happy... Maybe happy is the wrong word" - Ms. Mazzola

At Zenwarp one Friday (talking about Venus):

Megan: Doesn't she dance at Batcave? Why isn't she there?

Me: Because it's Friday.

Megan: Oh yeah. I love open bar.

"Lately I've been having an identity crisis, because Woe is me" - Mike C.

"How can you keep quoting me? Stop it!... What's your problem?" - Mike C.

"Kill the penny! Kill the penny!" - Mike C.

"I didn't tell it right. You're supposed to laugh." - Mike C.

"If marijuana kills all my brain cells, then how come I can still hear them all talking to me?" - Mike D.

"Are you still doing that quote thing?... Are there any quotes in there about dancing monkeys?" - Mike M.

Me: I like the way you logarithm.

Mike M.: I'd like to find the natural log of that chick.

Me: I've got your natural log right here, baby!

"I'll get more and more stupid if that's possible." - My Mother

Nadezhda B.: Does anyone want to come with me to get water?

Sean D.: Not me. I heard about what happened to Jack and Jill.

"Never let society swallow up your dreams." - Neil B.

"Move your ass and your mind will follow." - Nico L.

"Move your ass and your man will follow." - Vahan M.

"Women enslave men's actions. Men enslave women's emotions." - Olgierd B.

"Can I borrow your credit card number? I promise to give it right back." - Paco I.

"Let me help you out. Which way did you come in?" - Paco I.'s grandfather

"Your mind tricks won't work on me, Jazz. They don't even work on you." - Paul S.

"How can you be a realist if nothing's real?" - Paula F.

"I could cut you in half with my stress." - Perry M.

"It's a Pokemon Polka. It's awesome." - Pia E.

"Can't we talk about Monty Python like normal goths?" - Ian F.

"I have a lot of Irish friends and they're all nuts. So at least if you're an eighth Irish then you're half sane." - Q32 bus driver to me on a Saturday night

"I wanna be an Australian monkey because Australians are cool and I wanna be a monkey... Actually, I wanna be a Brooklyn monkey because I'm from Brooklyn and I wanna be a monkey." - Raven P.

Me: I don't like winding the clocks because I don't like their ticking noise.

Raven P.: What are you, Captain Hook?

Me: Yes.

Raven P.: That's too bad because I suffer from a Peter Pan complex.

Raven: I love you.

Me: I love you too.

Raven: I don't believe you.

Me: My hair is on fire.

Both: Aaaaaaaaaaah!!!

Richie: I'm surprised my hair didn't just eat your hand.

Me: Why would it do that?

Richie: Because it's so wild and crazy.

"That orange is your head; If you open your hand, you will turn into a lighter." - Rich M.

"I think this whole breathing thing is just a fad." - Richard M.

"I have had my stomach in knots. I have bitten my tongue to let others have a chance to be heard. I have physically challenged myself. I have cried in front of complete strangers.

We all have struggled, failed and succeeded. The hardest of these to accept is failure. We learn, feel and do more in reaction to failure than anything else. Always remember limitations and reality, not as blocks to progress but as hurdles.

It may seem difficult, as the mountain is more imposing to the climber from the plain. It may take years for the climber to leave the plain and get to the base of the mountain. This part of the trip he must travel alone. He is at the base of the mountain and has not yet climbed to the summit. At last he is on longer viewing his task from afar. He has come to confront it. He may never have the courage to go on, but it is our job to bring him further. If we do not rise to the challenge how can we know he has not challenged himself? He brought himself part of the way. Life does not always work fifty-fifty. We need the strength at times to give more, give all, give even more than all. Strength also means being able to ask for someone to give their all to you. Weakness is when you cannot let others give. Inevitably, we must admit that the climber may not go any further, but not without first trying to help with the initial step. All paths are not paved; be proud of that fact -- it shows you have climbed" - Robert A.

"Nothing makes you happier than if you can factor a polynomial completely" - Prof. Roitberg

"Two wrongs don't make a right"

"But they often make a right-winger" - Roy M.

"You're part of the Sup Generation. You say 'Sup?' which is short for 'Wassup?' which is short for 'What's up?' which is short for 'What is up?' Pretty soon it's just going to be 'Sss.'" - Prof. Rutenburg

"can't say I ever wanted my parent dead... That was too easy I was always a capitalist child... I wanted to ruin them financially... Hmmm don't all kids dream of being the ones to forclose on there parents hard worked Morgage of 20 years..... Destroy there credit rateing and leave them pennyless on welfare.... Yes a lot more tidy and you don't get any blood on you...." - Ryan S. {I know there are misspellings, Ryan never used his spellcheck}

"I should probably take these clams out of my pocket." - Sadie K.

"I think goths in general have less of a problem getting in touch with their inner psychopath." - Sadie K.

"Oh yeah. I wouldn't kick him out of my cartoon bed for eating cartoon crackers." - Sadie K. (on the lead in the anime movie Vampire Hunter D)

"You have to remember to change your maggots regularly." - Sadie K.

"The tragical story of Edwin, who got his face stuck to the floor while sniffing glue" - Sadie K., Day of the Nymph

"I have no interest in 'doing it like they do it on the Discovery channel'. I'd much rather do it like they do it on the Sci-Fi channel." - Sal D.

"Does your lizard glow in the dark?" - Sarah L.

"I never met a silence that I did not want to fill with chatter." - Professor Schwebel

"You name an issue and we'll rationalize it." - Prof. Schwebel (discussing the religion department at my college)

"Like a peacock that just stepped out of a brothel." - This guy I met in Dallas in 1993 (talking about the stereotypical Texan appearance)

"Shoshannah: What are the Fresh Vegetables?

Waitress: They're not actually fresh." - conversation at Strand Diner

"Everyone split up into pairs of three or four." - Simon Peter M.

Simon Peter M.: The only one who indulges me is Liz.

Sarah G.: Yeah, Liz is pretty indulgent.

"50% of all marriages end in divorce. The other 50% end in death. They don't tell you that part" - Steven G.

"This girl, if you asked her if the glass was half-full or half-empty she'd say it was breakable." - Steven K. (about me)

"I'm going to have to bring a blade or a gun and really do that guy."

...and then three seconds later:

"Goodbye! Peace and Love!" - Sunrise

Suzanne: Where did you find him? (talking about the boyfriend I had at the time)

Me: Washington Square Park

Suzanne: Put him back

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