This is a collection of quotes that is still growing. If you have any comments on these quotes, or others you'd like to share email me but PLEASE don't send me any anonymous or self quotes.

"Gates's net wealth is greater than the combined net worth of the poorest 40% of Americans (112,000,000 people)." - Ralph Nader

"The reason that democracies always defeat dictatorships is because they're open to debate. We should never allow Washington to say, 'Shut up, get in line and wave the flag.'" - Ralph Nader

"Frank Drebin: When I see five weirdos stabbing a guy in broad daylight, I shoot the bastards. That's my policy.

Mayor: That was a Shakespeare In The Park production, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!" - Naked Gun

"Machiavelli is right: one always must live with one's friends with the idea that they may turn into one's enemies. He should have said, with everyone." - Napoleon

"Vanity made the revolution; liberty was only a pretext." - Napoleon

"People... hate what they can't conquer" - Nas and Puff Daddy

"People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it." - Ogden Nash

"Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave, when they think that their children are naive." - Ogden Nash

"I get sick of listening to straight people complain about 'Well, hey, we don't have a heterosexual pride day. Why do you need a gay pride day?' I remember when I was a kid I'd always ask my mom: 'Why don't we have a kid's day? We have a Mother's Day and a Father's Day, but why don't we have a kid's day?' My mom would always say, 'Every day is kid's day.' To all those heterosexuals that bitch about gay pride, I say the same thing: 'Every day is heterosexual pride day! Can't you people enjoy your banquet and not piss on those of us enjoying our crumbs over here in the corner?'" - Rob Nash

"The genius of you Americans is that you never make clear-cut stupid moves, only complicated stupid moves which make us wonder at the possibility that there may be something to them which we are missing." - Gamel Abdel Nasser

"I don't act; I react." - Gamel Abdel Nasser

"Based on my experience in Los Angeles, my advice to the public is not to eat meat." - Gregorio Natavidad, meat inspector

"Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote." - George Jean Nathan

"Patriotism is often an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles." - George Jean Nathan

"If you want to take long walks, take long walks. If you want to hit things with a stick, hit things with a stick. But there's no excuse for combining the two and putting the result on TV. Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns." - National Lampoon

"Don't let yesterday use up too much of today." - Native American Proverb

"Pete and Repeat were sitting on a wall. Pete fell off. Who was left? Repeat." - Bruce Nauman

"Knowing what goes on behind my placid exterior, I have a strong suspicion of what goes on behind yours." - Richard Needham

"The man who is brutally honest enjoys the brutality quite as much as the honesty." - Richard Needham

"Life is like a game of cards. The hand you are dealt with is determinism, the way you play it is free will." - Jawaharial Nehru

"Love is so short,

and forgetting takes so long." - Pablo Neruda

"I've gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller's parlors], and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her." - New York City detective

"The memo also advises officers addressing a transgendered person to not say 'freak,' 'he-she,' 'she-male' or 'it.'" - NY1
(Cops need a memo to know that calling transgendered people freaks is a bad idea???)

"It is more important to know where you are going than to get there quickly." - Mabel Newcomber

"Well, I was looking at a coin and I saw that it said 'in God we trust,' and I thought to myself, 'I don't trust in God.' And then I did some looking into it and I found that the Constitution and the law seemed to be on my side, so I filed a suit. It's kind of neat. I think everyone should do it." - Michael A. Newdow (who on June 26th, 2002 had the 9th circuit court uphold his suit against Congress, the state, et cetera, regarding the [un]constitutionality of recitation of the pledge of allegiance in schools due to the inclusion of the phrase "under God.")

"Restrooms are for eating patrons only" - Newfield Pizza

"I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'." - Bob Newhart

"If you have no enemies, you have no character." - Paul Newman

"In order to make your dreams come true, you must awaken and take charge." - Natasha Newsome

"If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants." - Isaac Newton

"People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges." - Joseph Fort Newton

"Every person I work with knows something better than me. My job is to listen long enough to find it and use it." - Jack Nichols

"The shadows we see on the walls in front of us come from the flashlight we hold behind us." - David Nicoll

"The Problem with defending the purity of the English language is that the English language is as pure as a crib-house whore. It not only borrows words from other languages; it has on occasion chased other languages down dark alley-ways, clubbed them unconscious and rifled their pockets for new vocabulary. - James Nicoll

"In Germany, first they came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Trade Unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time no one was left to speak up." - Martin Niemoller

"At the beginning of a marriage, ask yourself whether this person will be interesting to talk to from now until old age. Everything else in marriage is transitory; most of the time is spent in conversation." - Friedrich Nietzsche

"Convictions are more dangerous foes of truth than lies." - Frederick Nietzsche

"He who has a 'why' to live can bear almost any 'how'." - Friedrich Nietzsche

"Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule." - Friedrich Nietzsche

"It is my ambition to say in ten sentences; what others say in a whole book." - Friedrich Nietzsche

"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages." - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

"Only sick music makes money today." - Friedrich Nietzsche (in 1888)

"Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself." - Friedrich Nietzsche

"We should consider every day lost in which we have not danced at least once." - Nietzsche

"What upsets me is not that you lied to me, but that from now on I can no longer believe you." - Frederick Nietzsche

"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he doesn't become a monster." - Frederick Nietsche

"Am I motivated by what I really want out of life or am I mass-motivated?" - Earl Nightingale

"Go where the weather suits your clothes." - Harry Nilsson

"Grant me the courage not to give up what I think is right, even though I think it is hopeless." - Admiral Chester W. Nimntz

"Beware of allowing a tactless word, a rebuttal, a rejection to obliterate the whole sky." - Anais Nin

"Each friend represents a world in us; a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only in meeting them that a new world is born." - Anais Nin

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." - Anais Nin

"The shell is America's most active contribution to the formation of character. A tough hide. Grow it early." - Anais Nin

"If you ever need anything please don't hesitate to ask someone else." - Nirvana

"I'm too busy acting like I'm not naive" - Nirvana

"Any change is resisted because bureaucrats have a vested interest in the chaos in which they exist." - Richard Nixon

"Those who hate us only win if we hate them back" - Richard Nixon

"True religion is the life we lead, not the creed we profess." - Louis Nizer

"If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.

If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.

If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.

If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.

If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence.

If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.

If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.

If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.

If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world." - Dorothy Law Nolte

"Dreams are illustrations... from the book your soul is writing about you." - Marsha Norman

"I need a place where I can go. Where I can whisper what I know. Where I can whisper who I like and where I go to see them. A place where I can bid my heart be still and it will mind me. A place where I can go when I am lost and there I'll find me. I need a place to spend the day where no one says to go or stay. Where I can take my pen and draw the girl I mean to be." - Martha Norman, The Secret Garden (the musical)

"Amy: I just have this feeling if I take pi, well past all this static, take pi to 10 million, 20 million digits, that I'll find something really incredible. Not just a pattern, not just an order, but a sign. A mathematical sign."

Chris: "Like a message from God?" - Northern Exposure

"If you were in a burning house and there was a cat and a Rembrandt, what would you save? The cat... you would save the cat, because the cat is alive. The art is dead. It's just paint on a canvas, ink on a page. To live for art is to deny life. It's just to destroy life." - Northern Exposure

"Chris: I'm trying to get closer to my 'woman-ness'.

Eve: Then go out and cut your salary in half." - Northern Exposure

"Adam: Is that any way to talk to a friend?

Joel: A friend? You kidnapped me! Your wife put me in chains!

Adam: All right, acquaintance." - Northern Exposure

"You're a scientist, but more important, you're a New Yorker. You were born with an innate skepticism, a natural sense of superiority in the way of the world." - Northern Exposure

"Make your own recovery the first priority in your life." - Robin Norwood

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate now knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." - Henri Nouwen, Out of Solitude

"Never forget what a man says to you when he's drunk." - P. D. Nym

"If we aren't willing to pay a price for our values, then we should ask ourselves whether we truly believe in them at all." - Barack Obama

"The Chinese government launched China’s first 24-hour news channel. And since the channel will only report stories that are favorable to the ruling party, they’ve decided to call it Fox News." - Conan O’Brien

"A group of protesters who are very unhappy at the rapid expansion of Starbucks have been repeatedly smashing the windows of a Starbucks store in Maine. Customers say it's been really inconvenient because, several times now, they've had to use the Starbucks across the street." - Conan O'Brien

"In the Year 2000 due to the declining number of champions in the world, Wheaties will change its slogan to 'Breakfast of Sexual Deviants." - Conan O'Brien

"In the Year 2000 men will finally discover that the reason women go to the bathroom in pairs... is to make out." - Conan O'Brien

"In the Year 2000 the discovery of extraterrestrial life will create a revolution in science, art, and pornography." - Conan O'Brien

"In Wisconsin, a man has been arrested for peeing in his boss' bottle of Mountain Dew. The man was later released when police found out he didn't pee in the bottle - Mountain Dew always tastes that way." - Conan O'Brien

"People are being much, much nicer to each other in New York. And I have to be honest, it's kind of weird. The other night at Shea Stadium, instead of yelling 'You suck!' at the Braves, Mets fans were yelling, 'Others are better than you!'" - Conan O'Brien

"The post office is raising the price of stamps by 1 cent to upgrade their equipment. Apparently they're upgrading from semiautomatics to Uzis." - Conan O' Brien

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." - Conan O'Brien

"Regardless of how much patience we have, we would prefer never to use any of it." - James T. O'Brien

"Don't let my unseriousness make you think it isn't serious." - Phil (anti-road protestor), The Observer January 1997

"The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it." - Flannery O'Connor

"Sometimes the best way to convince someone he is wrong is to let him have his way." - Red O'Donnell

"To err is human, to refrain from laughing, humane." - Lane Olinghouse

"One of life's most painful moments comes when we must admit that we didn't do our homework, that we are not prepared." - Merlin Olsen

"If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well matters much" - Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

"Bush had equally high praise for Attorney General nominee John Ashcroft, whom he praised as 'a tireless champion in the battle to protect a woman's right to give birth.'" - The Onion

"Bush Sr. Apologizes To Son For Funding Bin Laden In '80s

MIDLAND, TX- Former president George Bush issued an apology to his son Monday for advocating the CIA's mid-'80s funding of Osama bin Laden, who at the time was resisting the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan. 'I'm sorry, son,' Bush told President George W. Bush. 'We thought it was a good idea at the time because he was part of a group fighting communism in Central Asia. We called them "freedom fighter'' back then. I know it sounds weird. You sort of had to be there.' Bush is still deliberating over whether to tell his son about the whole supporting-Saddam Hussein-against-Iran thing." - The Onion

"Next time someone comes to your house to tell you that your husband has been shot, you should at least try to act surprised." - Cancer's (my) horoscope in Onion on August 8, 2001

"Now more than ever, that peace sign you carry is going to get you shot at." - Virgo's horoscope in last week's The Onion

"Pets are loving, trusting creatures. Do not treat them with the same cruelty and neglect you do your children." - The Onion

"What people don't understand is that the drinking, casual sex, and off-color jokes are the only way of coping with the pressures of video-store clerking." - Pisces (my boyfriend's) horoscope in The Onion on August August 22, 2001

"Your attempt to live a life of the mind will prove less successful than your attempt to live a life of the stomach." - Cancer's (my) horoscope in The Onion on August 1, 2001

"No matter how many times you take that career-determination test, it still comes out saying 'kangaroo.'" - My (Cancer's) horoscope in The Onion on 3/6/02

"Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave -- but there's no need to be in the passing lane." - Robert Orben

"We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be!" - Robert Orben

"I value people with a conscience. It's like a beeper from God." - Robert Orben

"Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian." - Robert Orben

"Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch." - Robert Orben

"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." - Robert Orben

"Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral." - Robert Orben

"There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all." - Robert Orben

"IT DOESN'T INTEREST ME WHAT YOU DO FOR A LIVING. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human. It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, 'Yes!' It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children. It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

"I don't understand why asking people to eat a well-balanced vegetarian diet is considered drastic, while it is medically conservative to cut people open and put them on cholesterol-lowering drugs for the rest of their lives." - Dean Ornish, MD

"America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damn well please." - P.J. O'Rourke

"Democrats are the party that says government can make you richer, smarter, taller and get the chickweed out of your lawn. Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work, and then they get elected to prove it." - P.J. O'Rourke

"Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs." - P.J. O'Rourke

"What is your hosts’ purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they’d have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi." - P. J. O’Rourke

"When buying and selling are controlled by legislature, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators." - P.J. O’Rourke

"Confusion seems falling from the sky like rain." - Orson Welk

"I can't do my laundry without finding a sock of yours and I can't comb the city without finding a place we've been, can you?" - Orson Welk

"If you can't choose how to win then choose your favorite way to lose" - Orson Welk

"The quickest way to end a war is to lose it." - George Orwell

"I enjoy talking to you. Your mind appeals to me. It resembles my own mind, except that you happen to be insane." - George Orwell, 1984

"Only five nights ago he had contemplated smashing her skull in with a cobblestone; but that was of no importance." - George Orwell, 1984

"You preferred to be a lunatic, a minority of one." - George Orwell, 1984

"The very first step towards success in any occupation is to become interested in it." - Sir William Osler

"If you're going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now." - Marie Osmond

"Minds are like parachutes: most people use them only as a last resort." - Ben Ostrowsky

"The difference between loneliness and solitude is your perception of who you are alone with and who made the choice." - Readings from the Hurricane Island Outward Bound School

Tourist counting her group, which is clogging sidewalk: Carla? Has anyone seen Carla? Okay, Marie? Marie?

Passerby, interrupting: First, let me thank you for visiting our city. We appreciate it. Second, get out of the fucking way. - Broadway & Canal, Overheard in New York

"When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take a step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand on or we will be taught to fly." - Patrick Overton

"Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these." - Ovid

"I'm a man of logic, a man of planning. I factor in every detail, consider every possibility. Then I flip a coin." - Oz

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