This is a collection of quotes that is still growing. If you have any comments on
these quotes, or others you'd like to share email me
but PLEASE don't send me any anonymous or self quotes.

This page was filled on June 11, 1999

"Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness" - Seneca

"Till I met you I always thought the freaks came out at night" - Daniel C.

"Can I borrow your credit card number? I promise to give it right back" - Paco I.

"He who would be a leader must be a bridge" - Mabinogion

"Lankes: BARBARIC, MYSTICAL, BORED.
Bebra: You have given our century its name" - Gunter Grass, The Tin Drum

"Perhaps every time anyone is praised it means that someone else somewhere is going to be ignored" - Margaret Mahy, The Other Side of Silence

"In complete darkness we are all the same. It is only our knowledge and wisdom that separate us. Don't let your eyes deceive you." - Janet Jackson

"Democracy is the worst system devised by the wit of man, except for all the others" - Winston Churchill

"When we lose the right to be different, we lose the privilege to be free" - Charles Evans Hughes

"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong" - Voltaire

"You must not be cleverer than your elders. It is not polite." - Tom Stoppard, Arcadia

"There are no dangerous thoughts; thinking itself is dangerous" - Hannah Arendt

"Opinions cannot survive if one has no chance to fight for them" - Thomas Mann

"Men feared witches and burned women. It is the function of speech to unburden men from irrational fears" - Louis D. Brandeis

"We have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscious, and the prudence never to practice either" - Mark Twain

Richie: I'm surprised my hair didn't just eat your hand.
Me: Why would it do that?
Richie: Because it's so wild and crazy.

"God has no religion" - Mahatma Gandhi

"The believer is happy, the doubter wise" - Greek Proverb

"Medvedyenko: Why do you always wear black?
Masha: I'm in mourning for my life" - Anton Chekhov, The Seagull

"All I really needed to learn I learned in kindergarten. Don't move. Sit still. Shut up. Don't rock the boat. Don't make waves. Don't ask questions. Follow orders. Accept your lot in life. Follow the path chosen for you. Please others. Ask permission first. Keep up with the Joneses. Follow trends. Aspire to the norm. Stay inside the lines. Eyes on your own paper. Never switch position. Accept and employ categorization. Don't attract attention. Keep your head down and your eyes shut. Do not attempt to make changes. This has all been preordained. Don't take a chance. Ignore your conscience. This is all there is. Remain silent. Obey." - Alley Cat #4

"While armchair travelers dream of going places, traveling armchairs dream of staying put." - Anne Tyler, The Accidental Tourist

"Paquita: You're mother ate my dog!
Lionel: Not all of it" - Dead Alive

"I wanna be an Australian monkey because Australians are cool and I wanna be a monkey... Actually, I wanna be a Brooklyn monkey because I'm from Brooklyn and I wanna be a monkey" - Raven P.

"Don't wake him up. He's got insomnia - he's trying to sleep it off." - Chico Marx, A Night at the Opera

"Let them not seek to discover who I was
from all that I have done and said.
An obstacle was there that transformed
the deeds and the manner of my life.
An obstacle was there that stopped me
many times when I was about to speak.
Only from my most imperceptible deeds
and my most covert writings -
from these alone will they understand me.
But perhaps it isn't worth exerting
such care and such effort for them to know me.
Later, in the more perfect society,
surely some other person created like me
will appear and act freely." - C.P. Cavafy

"Everything we do is futile, but we must do it anyway." - Mahatma Gandhi

"I must be myself. I cannot break myself any longer for you... If you can love me for what I am, we shall be the happier." - Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

"We're not strangers to confusion" - Nation, Shock Treatment

"What is a man profited, if he should gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?" - Matthew 16:26

Suzanne: Where did you find him? (talking about the boyfriend I had at the time)
Me: Washington Square Park
Suzanne: Put him back

"Nothing makes you happier than if you can factor a polynomial completely" - Prof. Roitberg

"The beard, being a half-mask, should be forbidden by the police - It is, moreover, as a sexual symbol in the middle of the face, obscene: that is why it pleases women." - Arthur Schopenhauer

"50% of all marriages end in divorce. The other 50% end in death. They don't tell you that part" - Steven G.

"Let me tear down into your heart. Let me take a seat and stay awhile... Let me steal a glimpse from your eyes. Let me pin it up and stare awhile... Let me have a half of your whole. Let me keep it for myself awhile... Let me take the words from your mouth. Let me swallow them and speak awhile." - The Connells

"The thing that really creeps me out about basketball, is when you're playing against some guy you've never met before, yet he knows all this secret stuff about your mama." - ad for Crunch

"Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment. Full effort is full victory." - Mahatma Gandhi

Me: I don't like winding the clocks because I don't like their ticking noise.
Raven P.: What are you, Captain Hook?
Me: Yes.
Raven P.: That's too bad because I suffer from a Peter Pan complex.

"Take a look at the world and laugh" - Janusz Korczak, How to Love a Child

"Be not overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good." - Romans 12:21

"we are always asked
to understand the other person's
viewpoint
no matter how
out-dated
foolish or
obnoxious.

one is asked
to view
their total error
their life-waste
with
kindliness,
especially if they are
aged.

but age is the total of
our doing.
they have aged
badly
because they have
lived
out of focus,
they have refused to
see.

not their fault?

whose fault?
mine?

I am asked to hide
my viewpoint
from them
for fear of their
fear.

age is no crime
but the shame
of a deliberately
wasted
life

among so many
deliberately
wasted
lives

is." - Charles Bukowski

"You get fired, and this is what you hear. You catch your girlfriend in bed with the girl next door, and this is her defense. You get shot in the face, and the nurse whispers it to you: 'Everything happens for a reason.'... Everything might happen for a reason, but it doesn't have to be a good reason. It might be that the universe is chaotic or vengeful. It might be that it's Tuesday. It might just be your turn." - Stephan Talty, Time Out New York

"Monuments of war should not be glorified.
Monuments of death should not be honored.
Monuments of peace should be everywhere." - Lynn Velas

"If you doubt what's in my heart you can break it open but be careful when you do 'cause inside there's a girl who looks like you" - Mutton Birds

"Human life in general is lonely" - My father

Dilbert: Don't get too close to my lab today. I'm using radiation to mutate new species of vegetables.
Dogbert: Isn't that dangerous?
Dilbert: Funny, the broccoli asked me the same question.

"It is well to remember that the entire population of the universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others" - John Andrew Holmes

"If you are watching fanatically over the morality of your children you may yourself be not completely in order." - Janusz Korczak, How to Love a Child

"I expect that kind of thing from me" - David R.

"What is important is to keep learning, to enjoy challenge, and to tolerate ambiguity. In the end there are no certain answers" - Marina Horner

"The only man who can change his mind is the man who's got one." - Edward Noyes Westcott

"Starting today the company will begin random drug testing. Although it would be illegal to search your car or home for drugs... We have found no ethical problem with sucking the blood out of your body. Results will be posted in the cafeteria." - Scott Adams, Dilbert

"The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. And there was a knock at the door..." - Anonymous, The World's Shortest Horror Story

"We are all born mad. Some remain so." - Samuel Beckett, Godot

"You know, I don't think you realise how unattractive hate is" - L.A. Story

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt

"You will go on blundering, for only he who does nothing avoids errors." - Janusz Korczak, How to Love a Child

"The filming of Shakespeare is always problematic, because he hates posing for the camera" - Lenny Henry

"I could wonder, but I doubt I want to" - Me

"Women enslave men's actions. Men enslave women's emotions" - Olgierd B.

"there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see
you.

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders and the grocery clerks
never know that
he's
in there.

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to screw up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there, so don't be
sad.

then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it's nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do
you?" - Charles Bukowski

"Most issues are not black and white. I'm suspicious of anyone who has a firm belief about anything." - Scott Adams, Seven Years of Highly Defective People

"If you open your heart to a smooth operator he'll take you for all that you've got" - Shock Treatment

"We're really up against it, we poor women: A bachelor's a hard thing to convert" - Goethe, Faust

"I've a good and a bad side and they're one and the same" - William Finn and James Lapine, Falsettos

"If you can say you live and learn, you're learning how to live" - Split Enz

"My greatest fault is that I am no longer a child" - Janusz Korczak, How to Love a Child

"It sometimes entered Mr. Pontellier's mind to wonder if his wife were not growing a little unbalanced mentally. He could see plainly that she was not herself. That is, he could not see that she was becoming herself and daily casting aside that fictitious self which we assume like a garment with which to appear before the world." - Kate Chopin, The Awakening

"Seek beauty and miss love.
But seek love and find both." - Mac Lucado

"The goal is to drink yourself under the table" - Greg S.

"I live within the confines of reality. I am here because to be anywhere else would be a lie. I live here because my life lies here, my dreams, my soul, my hunger. It is all real. I would not sacrifice anything about myself for something else. I like myself. I like my friends. I would not change the past because I NEED the experiences that I've learned from it. There are some things that in retrospect I think that I'd rather not have known - however knowing them has not diminished the quality of my life by one bit. I exist within 'reality' because here I know exactly where I stand. Here there is no need to fret about what is, or what was, or what will become. There is only looking forward into the future and figuring out how you can make the future better for someone else and for myself. Every day is a brand new opportunity within reality - it's my acceptance of the situations that I carry over with me day to day that make each hour worth living. The acceptance of the soul - the acceptance of the self - it makes my life worthwhile. I would not be anywhere else within reality - not for the world. I have myself - I have my God. And I have the willingness and strength to see myself through the future with a grin on my face and an eagerness to experience life that will be with me to the end of my days... Reality is what makes us strong." - Chris J.

"sanity appeared futile so madness became chic" - Ronald Sukenick, Random Access Memory

"Wouldn't it be great to own an elf?" - Scott Adams, Seven Years of Highly Defective People

"Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it." - Robert Frost

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits" - Anonymous

"Hate is not the opposite of love; apathy is." - Rollo May

"My grandmother's trying to kill me. Have you seen my sandwich?" - Jeff Z.

"If all these devils really exist it proves there must be angels, too." - Goethe, Faust

"Life is a self-paced suicide" - Eric Williamson

"Color is its own reward" - Crowded House

"Did I offer less than I lost?" - The Connells

"maybe there is no answer yes maybe look at it this way if there's no answer maybe there's no question" - Ronald Sukenick, Random Access Memory

"If they give you ruled paper, write the other way" - Juan Ramon Jimenez

"There's something rotten in the state of Denmark, and Hamlet's taking out the trash" - Voiceover in Last Action Hero

"Wherever they burn books, sooner or later they will burn human beings also." - Heinrich Heine

"Pattycake, pattycake, baker's man; good morning, madam, I'm a psychiatrist" - Eric Idle, Monty Python

"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants." - A. Whitney Brown

"Consider the sincerity of incompetence" - Eric Williamson

"I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming... They don't know I'm only using blanks." - Emo Phillips

"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experiences of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so" - Douglas Adams, Last Chance to See

"Life... is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that no one ever asks for. Unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So, you're stuck with mostly undefinable whipped mint crap, mindlessly wolfed down when there's nothing else to eat while you're watching the game. Sure, once in a while you get a peanut butter cup or an English toffee but it's gone oo fast and the taste is fleeting. In the end, you're left with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts, which if you are desperate enough to eat leaves nothing but an empty box of useless brown paper wrappers." - Cancerman, Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man

"Think faster feel more go from one thing to another take it all in at once. All right what's your answer." - Ronald Sukenick, Random Access Memory

"And the little girl had approached the bed no nearer than thirty feet when she pulled out a pistol and shot the wolf dead; for even in a cap and nightgown a wolf looks no more like your grandmother than Calvin Coolidge looks like the Metro-Goldwyn lion." - James Thurber

"I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answer." - A Bit of Fry and Laurie

"Abuse of power comes as no surprise" - Jenny Holzer

"We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along to all our picnics." - Bill Vaughan

"The only thing that gets us through the waking hours is the sleeping hours." - Eric Williamson

"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote." - Emo Phillips

"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened" - Douglas Adams

"If you want to take long walks, take long walks. If you want to hit things with a stick, hit things with a stick. But there's no excuse for combining the two and putting the result on TV. Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns." - National Lampoon

'When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price?" - David Letterman

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