This is a collection of quotes that is still growing. If you have any comments on
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This page was filled on February 26, 2003

"It's odd, and a little unsettling, to reflect upon the fact that English is the only major language in which 'I' is capitalized; in many other languages 'You' is capitalized and the 'i' is lower case." - Sydney J. Harris

"True religion is in one's heart." - Kashmiri Proverb

"It's easy to carry the past as a burden instead of a school. It's easy to let it overwhelm you instead of educate you." - Jim Rohn

"I never did say that you can't be a nice guy and win. I said that if I was playing third base and my mother rounded third with the winning run, I'd trip her up." - Leo Durocher (coined the phrase "Nice guys finish last.")

"Gabe: Projekt: Revolution is cool and all, I like revolutions. But they spelled Project wrong.
Tycho: They did that on purpose. It's more raw. Rawer.
Gabe: How is a K more raw than a C?
Tycho: It just is. It's how I know they're real. Keeping it real. On the streets, and so forth.
Gabe: And what exactly is this Projekt of theirs Revolutionizing?
Tycho: Spelling." - Michael Krahulik and Jerry Holkins, Penny Arcade

"I did not design this game, I did not name the stakes. I just happen to like apples and I am not afraid of snakes." - ani difranco

"I'm for the death penalty, I'm pro-abortion, I'm pro-assisted suicide, I'm pro-regular suicide. Anything that'll get the traffic moving." - Bill Maher

"All my life I used to wonder what I would become when I grew up. Then, about seven years ago, I realized that I was never going to grow up." - M. Scott Peck

"Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths." - Lois Wyse (stolen from quoteofthemoment)

"When a man of normal habits is ill, everyone hastens to assure him that he is going to recover. When a vegetarian is ill, (which fortunately very seldom happens), everyone assures him that he is going to die, and that they told him so, and that it serves him right. They implore him to take at least a little gravy, so as to give himself a chance of lasting out the night." - George Bernard Shaw

"The price one pays for pursuing any profession or calling is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side." - James Baldwin

"I'm sometimes asked 'Why do you spend so much of your time and money talking about kindness to animals when there is so much cruelty to men?' I answer: 'I am working at the roots.'" - George T. Angell

"Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again." - Franklin P. Jones

"I'd move to Los Angeles if Australia and New Zealand were swallowed up by a huge tidal wave, if there was a bubonic plague in Europe, and if the continent of Africa disappeared from some Martian attack." - Russell Crowe

"I thought I could change the world. It took me a hundred years to figure out I can't change the world. I can only change Bessie. And honey, that ain't easy either. " - Dr. Annie Elizabeth (Bessie) Delany, D.D.S

"I envy your ignorance, I hear that it's bliss." - ani difranco

"You are a poor, pathetic, gullible fool who seeks advice from bakery products." - fortune cookie

"A man with no regrets has no decency." - Thomas McCormack, Endpapers

"Instead of seeing the rug being pulled from under us, we can learn to dance on a shifting carpet." - Thomas Crum

"Worries go down better with soup than without." - Jewish Proverb

"Greg: You don't use make-up.
Rose: What's the point? It'd still be me, only in color." - The Mirror Has Two Faces

"Jury: A group of twelve citizens who, having lied to the judge about their hearing, health, and business engagements, have failed to fool him." - Henry Lewis Mencken

"It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society." - J. Krishnamurti

"Every adult needs a child to teach; it's the way adults learn." - Frank A. Clark

"Oh! I'll wait 6 years to read it, when she'll be 18!" - Groucho Marx (on hearing about the novel Lolita)

"You can always rely on America to do the right thing -- once it has exhausted the alternatives." - Winston Churchill

"As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying, 'Relax... you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients'. But another kept reminding me, 'Howard, you are a veterinarian'." - Dick Wilson

"I have flabby thighs but fortunately my stomach covers them." - Joan Rivers

"Sometimes in life, the things we see aren't the things others see." - Benjamin Dover

"We need an energy bill that encourages consumption." - George W. Bush on 9/23/02

"Never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be." - Clementine Paddleford

"People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges." - Joseph Fort Newton

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self." - Cyril Connolly

"If past history was all there was to the game, the richest people would be librarians." - Warren Buffett

"To show my appreciation I will make better films." - Jackie Chan at the unveiling of his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame

"I not only use all the brains I have, but all I can borrow." - Woodrow Wilson

"To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public." - Theodore Roosevelt

'Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today.' Under the influence of this pestilent morality, I am forever letting tomorrow's work slop backwards into today's, and doing painfully and nervously today what I could do quickly and easily tomorrow." - J. A. Spender

"We grow tyrannical fighting tyranny. The most alarming spectacle today is not the spectacle of the atomic bomb in an unfederated world, it is the spectacle of the Americans beginning to accept the device of loyalty oaths and witchhunts, beginning to call anybody they don't like a Communist." - E.B. White

"It is impossible to please all the world and one's father." - Jean de La Fontaine

"Make your own recovery the first priority in your life." - Robin Norwood

"The world today doesn't make sense, so why should I paint pictures that do? - Pablo Picasso

"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it." - Joan Rivers

"LISTEN, children,
Your father is dead.
From his old coats
I'll make you little jackets;
I'll make you little trousers
From his old pants.
There'll be in his pockets
Things he used to put there:
Keys and pennies
Covered with tobacco.
Dan shall have the pennies
To save in his bank;
Anne shall have the keys
To make a pretty noise with.
Life must go on
And the dead be forgotten;
Life must go on
Though good men die.
Anne, eat your breakfast;
Dan, take your medicine.
Life must go on;
I forget just why." - Edna St. Vincent Millay

"Space is almost infinite. As a matter of fact, we think it is infinite." - Dan Quayle, who was once head of the Space Council

"'My country, right or wrong,' is a thing that no patriot would think of saying... It is like saying, 'My mother, drunk or sober.'" - Gilbert K. Chesterton

"I told one of my HMO patients to go get a tonsillectomy, and now he's mad because he thought I said 'appendectomy' and got his appendix removed instead. I guess I should really look into getting my drive-thru speaker fixed." - Curtis Matthews, (stolen from Ruminations)

"Windom: What do you fear most in the world?
Garland: The possibility that love is not enough." - Twin Peaks

"Everybody can be great... because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love." - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"There is nowhere you can go and only be with people who are like you. Give it up." - Bernice Johnson Reagon

"Those see nothing but faults that seek for nothing else." - Thomas Fuller

"On the negative side, I've been getting charged for a ton of stuff I didn't order lately. On the positive side, I did win that 'Who's Got the Best Password' contest on AOL last week." - Spike Donner, (stolen from Ruminations)

"A story is told of a Jewish man who was riding on the subway reading a Nazi newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader: 'Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading a Nazi newspaper?' Moshe replied: 'I used to read the Jewish newspapers, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I switched to the Nazi newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews rule the world. The news is so much better!'" - Marc Angel, "The Mystery of Jewish Optimism: 5,000 years of tsuris and we're still smiling?"

"Care more than others think wise. Risk more than others think safe. Dream more than others think practical. Expect more than others think possible." - Howard Schultz

"You campaign in poetry. You govern in prose." - Mario M. Cuomo

"The truth is that there is nothing noble in being superior to somebody else. The only real nobility is in being superior to your former self." - Whitney Young

"Welfare's purpose should be to eliminate, as far as possible, the need for its own existence." - Ronald Reagan

"Earlier we posted our weekly e-newsletter. Unfortunately during the process preparing it to go out, a mistake was made in one of the headers. Please note, calves were beaten to death, not cowboys." - In Defense of Animals newsletter

"You can swim all day in the Sea of Knowledge and still come out completely dry. Most people do." - Norman Juster

"It is foolish to wait for your ship to come in unless you have sent one out." - Alfred A. Montapert

"I want... someone who'll help me see things in a different light. All the things I detest I will almost like." - Depeche Mode

"Without darkness there are no dreams." - Karla Kuban

"There seems to be something in the human soul that causes us to think less of ourselves everytime we do something wrong... And maybe it is good for us to feel that way. It may make us more sensitive to what we do wrong and move us to repent and grow. But it may also lead to our setting unrealistically high standards for ourselves and for others." - Rabbi Harold S. Kushner

"Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize" - Tom Lehrer

"What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets." - Dracula, Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (a computer game)

"His mother had often said, When you choose an action, you choose the consequences of that action. She had emphasized the corollary of this axiom even more vehemently: when you desired a consequence you had damned well better take the action that would create it." - Lois McMaster Bujold

"Don't make me do two monetary transactions at the same time. I'll beat your ass down and then I'll charge you interest." - Me, the "two-fisted Monopoly banker" (according to my roommate)

"I am more and more convinced that our happiness or our unhappiness depends far more on the way we meet the events of life than on the nature of those events themselves." - Karl Wilhelm Von Humboldt

"Absolute faith corrupts as absolutely as absolute power." - Eric Hoffer

"Hell - It's not the heat... It's the Humidity" - bumper sticker

"Now, personally, I am baffled by the concept of racial prejudice. Why hate someone based on the color of their skin when, if you take the time to get to know them as a human being, you can find so many other things to hate them for?" - Dennis Miller

"Thank you for calling. To be placed on hold and listen to a tinny version of Greensleeves, press 1. To speak to a customer service representative who has no interest in your problem, press 2. To speak to someone who is very friendly and understanding, but no help whatsoever, press 3. To be plunged into a telephonic abyss of silence, press 4. To be disconnected for no apparent reason, pre.... " - a commercial in Britian

"Tommy: Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior
Hedwig: No, but I love his work." - Hedwig and the Angry Inch

"I am responsible for my own well-being, my own happiness. The choices and decisions I make regarding my life directly influences the quality of my days." - Kathleen Andrus

"My favorite thing about the Internet is that you get to go into the private world of real creeps without having to smell them." - Penn Jillette

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." - Joseph Campbell

"New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you." - David Letterman

"The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions, and not on our circumstances. We carry the seeds of the one or the other about with us in our minds wherever we go." - Martha Washington

"What I like best is a book that's at least funny once in a while... What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone." - J.D. Salinger, Catcher in the Rye

"Getting fired is nature's way to telling you that you had the wrong job in the first place." - Hal Lancaster, Wall Street Journal

"I used to be with 'it'. But then they changed what 'it' was. Now what I'm with isn't 'it', and what's 'it' seems scary and weird. It'll happen to YOU!" - Abe Simpson, The Simpsons

"Get out of your head, it's a bad neighborhood." - Adam R.

"Most people are searching for happiness. They're looking for it. They're trying to find it in someone or something outside of themselves. That's a fundamental mistake. Happiness is something that you are, and it comes from the way you think." - Wayne Dyer

"Ignorance is a voluntary misfortune." - Italian Proverb

"Comedy is tragedy... plus time." - Carol Burnett

"The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life." - Muhammad Ali

"There are 10^11 stars in the galaxy. That used to be a huge number. But it's only a hundred billion. It's less than the national deficit! We used to call them astronomical numbers. Now we should call them economical numbers." - Richard Feynman

"Do not rejoice over what has not yet happened." - Egyptian Proverb

"'I'm very brave generally, he went on in a low voice: 'only today I happen to have a headache.'" - Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass

"The reissued DVD of 'Lawrence of Arabia' is moving faster than a camel on amphetamines at my local Blockbuster. New Yorkers are not just looking for epic entertainment. They're looking for ways to blame the Brits and the French for creating the mess that became Iraq in the first place." - Tina Brown, Salon

"Do some people get harmed in the pursuit of happiness? Aren't people (and neighborhoods and whole cities) harmed by, say, the drug trade? Aren't prostitutes frequently harmed by violent clients? Doesn't adultery destroy homes? Yes, yes, and yes. But much of the harm done by drugs, prostitution, and adultery should be laid at the feet of the virtuous. It's their meddling that often creates the harm, not the sins in and of themselves. There would be no money, and therefore no gangs or violence, in the drug trade if drugs were legalized and their sale taxed and regulated. When was the last time beer distributors killed each other? Oh, yeah: prohibition." - Dan Savage, Skipping Towards Gomorrah

"I love America more than any other country in this world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually." - James Baldwin

"There was a time when a fool and his money were soon parted, but now it happens to everybody." - Adlai Ewing Stevenson

"Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral." - Robert Orben

"Of all the music management moves ever made, the smartest might be persuading *NSYNC to drop 'Everything but the Kitch' from their name." - Brad Simanek, (stolen from Ruminations)

"I used to study under this Linguistics professor who was more into his work than anyone I've ever met. He had children, and he called them 'language acquisition devices.'" - a woman near Doe Library,

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Signature quotes
Alphabetical index of quotes